It takes a village.......

In our community we hear the call to responsibility for our kids in the form of the African ideal of it taking a village to raise a child. The notion that it takes a community of people committed to the well being of our kids to ensure their proper upbringing. This idea was on my spirit this morning because I met a young man named Haneef on Thursday that is in desperate need of a village and is being rejected at every turn.

Thursday afternoon around noon I'm working from home and there's a ring at my door. I answer and standing there soaking wet from the cold rain storm is Haneef Lasiter looking for directions. His story seemed a little suspect, but in that moment all the things I learned from Culture of Fear weren't telling me I should be afraid so I let the child in to figure out what the heck was going on. It was striking to me that a kid was wandering around when he should be in school, but what was more shocking was that when I asked who we could call he said his father wouldn't care and that he didn't have a mother. He said he had extended family he could go to but that no one would be home until after four so I decided to let him wait.

I gave the boy some lunch and tried to get useful information from him since he didn't have a viable number to give me at the time. He told me what school he went to and as he watched tv I tried to get to the bottom of the situation. I called his school and the principal told me he had been reported as a runaway and that I had to call the police, but had no other sense of duty to this child beyond letting me know he's in a bad situation and to let the police handle it. With a now escalated situation I calmed my nerves and called the police and explained that the child was reported as missing according to the school and had shown up on my doorstep. The response was that they would come to get him but that I should try to and keep him at my location.

Since I was told not to tell him the police were coming I gave him a snack and my computer to keep him occupied. Three and a half hours later I was starting to get worried so I called the police back trying to sus out when they would arrive. The officer I got transferred to proceeded to tell me that not only was Haneef's not the only case that needed attention but that the situation was mainly my fault. That the child is 14 not 4 and that I'm not suppose to let strangers into my house for milk and cookies (it was a meatloaf sandwich coke and sweet potato pie, but it didn't seen prudent to mention it) and that my liability is now in jeopardy if the child gets hurt or if he or his parents make the situation into more than it is. Shocked and pissed all I could think about was the fact that priorities these days are truly out of whack. I get all the legal issues but A CHILD IS MISSING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The only issue in that moment should be insuring that a child is safe. After I finished getting berated the officer told me that they were coming to get the child and that if his people wanted to come get him that would be ok too. That struck me as odd as well because it would be my thinking that once a kid is reported missing it becomes a police matter. Anyhow I get Haneef to call his family to let them know he's safe and another 40 minutes go by(still no police) and all I can think is that I have the police coming so I have to try to get him to stay. I offer hot chocolate and then he decided something is up and he wants to leave. At this point with not much confidence in the police and feeling increasingly nervous he's just going to leave I tell him that I had called the police because his father reported him missing and they were going to come and get him. I tried to explain that if there was really a problem at home they won't take him there and that police custody would be the safest place for him even though I only half believed it. He started to get a little panicky telling me that he hates the police and that he's dealt with them before to no avail and that he has a tendency to get violent when they are around. I had a quick OH SHIT moment and decided that at this point if he was going to go to his aunts house it was reasonably safe for him to leave. He decides hes going to leave after now an hour after my last call call to the police to get some help. I call them back to say the kid has decided to leave and ten minutes later the patrolman show up. They take my info and leave not indicating whether they're going to try and find him on his way to his aunts or anything so the situation is out of my hands. I redial his people to say he wanted to leave and that he said he was coming to them and left it at that feeling like I dropped the ball and that there was another kid out there feeling let down.

The next day still feeling worried about Haneef I call his school back to update the principal and am told he's not in school and basically that they have given up hope for the kid because he is a frequent runaway with emotional problems. This abandonment of Haneef was weighing on my spirit all day and I felt like I let him down by not getting him into police custody the night before. God must have had a plan because that evening I look out my dining room window and there Haneef, walking down my street. I call him over and ask what the hell happened to him and why he didn't go to school and whether he'd made it to his aunts house. His story was again off balance and not completely believable with bits about sleeping in building hallways and wandering the street but it boiled down to not wanting to go with the police. A few minutes into him being inside my friend Derrick shows up. Family I tell you that this was one of the times I will always use as proof that God is real because he sent this man who has been through more trials and more heartache than anyone should ever have to go through; who has risen above it all to be one of the most brilliant, strong, responsible, faithful fathers and husbands I know of to the situation as an example to this child of how God brings people through bad situations. Anyhow Derrick proceeds to tell Haneef his story and about how as a man there are things you have to endure to get through a point in your life. He gets Haneef to open up more and to eventually call his father. As a side note during all this, which has taken about four hours, we've called child services and the police explaining the situation and like the day before they say they're sending someone out. Finally Derrick has gotten Haneef to call his father. Derrick talks to the father first man to man explaining the situation and the father's response is that his son is a runaway let the police handle it. We get Haneef to speak to his dad and he asks his father to come get him and the response is the same "Let the police deal with you". By midnight Derrick has to get home to his family and he leaves so Haneef and I wait another two hours. In that time I've gotten my district leader and assemblywoman to call the police and still no response. I call back and they say they have a backlog and at this point just bring him to the precinct. I convince this tired abandoned kid to trust that the police will do right even though I don't really believe it and we go. I give the officer, who is among six others relaxing and joking behind the glass, the information and turn Haneef over 39 hours after first meeting him.

I sit here this afternoon feeling let down. Let down by the police that seemed to only see another young black face instead of a child in need, let down by Haneef's parents who let him down by not taking responsibility for their child, let down by myself for not taking him to the police myself in the first place, and let down by our society that has become so afraid of crime and of what could happen that it allows a Haneef to even be possible. This kid picked my neighborhood because he figured its quiet and nice and that someone would help him and the response he got was slammed doors and no assistance. I opened mine not thinking about the safety issues involved but I'm considered naive and reckless by most of the people I've relaid this story to. When did we abandon basic decency, when did a lost kid change meaning depending on the neighborhood he's in or the color of his skin. I feel this afternoon like we have to do better as a people.

How dare we talk about the drug dealers on the corners like some far removed miscreant that has nothing to do with our culture. You don't seen white kids standing on the corner selling drugs. There is a loathing for the base instincts of criminal activity in the inner city but no acknowledgment of the part we all play in it. Haneef, if left to his own devices, will be that boy clocking on the corner if someone doesn't take him into their fold and teach him there's a different life. There are Haneefs and Haneefahs all around us who don't know how to be good kids because we are failing them in that education. How dare we turn up out noses at a lost kid; that turned up nose will turn that unhappy kid into an angry man robbing you on your way home from work or stealing your car. Where do we start to reclaim these children in these deplorable situations? Where is the line drawn when it comes to how much help to give? I have no idea but I sit here this afternoon disappointed and a little defeated praying that my Haneef doesn't get disappointed yet again.