Perspective

Yeah, so I've been up most of the night. Insomnia is pretty bad these days. Anyhow I was up around 3am and found myself thinking about my life and what I'm doing with it. I guess it sort of boils down to perspective.

I have a tendency, every now and then, to misplace sight of the bigger picture. I confuse the work in process facets of my life with the ones that are on track and get consumed with over thinking instead of living.

In perspective I'm blessed and should be perfectly happy. In the recesses of my mind, at 3am, my job, my love life, my focus is all screwed up.

I always assumed that if I took care of the things I could control, or at least made preparation for, the other, uncontrollable things would fall into place. I go to college, prepare for a career, eventually, with hard work I'll end up where I want. I have a firm grasp on who I am as a person, a woman, a partner and the type of relationship I want so I date, meet and spend time with different people, set expectation and really know what I need to be happy, eventually god will send me the man of my life.

It's all well and good to know these things but what do you do in those 3am moments when doubt and fear creep in. I guess it all comes back to perspective. It's a funny things perspective. It relies so closely on a fixed point. My fixed point has always been the end result, what I want the sum of my life to be. I measure where I am at any point against where I want to end up. So I suppose to answer my question is that at 3am when doubt creeps in I stop thinking, I take my tail to sleep, and when I wake up remember the bigger picture and reset my perspective.